Deku!
by CheeseFromJupiter
Summary: A hylian teen and a army of dekus attempt to take over Hyrule for the sake of recognition. No Canon characters in this chapter, but there will be plenty in later ones. If you read, try to review, it may improve my writing!
1. Chapter 1

_"This is it boys, this is war!"_

99 Red Balloons

**Chapter One **

It was a beautiful morning in Hyrule. A light breeze blew through the land, and the grass was a dazzling emerald green. Everything would've been perfect, if it weren't for that damn singing!

"Da dee da, da da dee – Huh?" Remi stopped abruptly, narrowly avoiding a nut that flew through the air at her.

"Stop that! Stop that wight now!" A voice said. It was high and squeaky, like a toddler on helium.

"What?" Remi said. "Stop what?"

"That singing! It is awful!"

Remi paused, looking around, but not seeing anything.

"Where are you?" She asked, confused.

"Down here!" The voice snapped.

Confused, Remi looked down, and was delighted by what she saw.

"Oooooh!" She squealed. "'Tis a lickle deku scrub!"

The deku responded by firing nuts at her.

"Ow, Hey! Cut that out!" The now helpless girl snapped. "Stop it! I'll scream!"  
"Do that if you must, foul siwen!"

"I'll.. I'll SING!" Remi exclaimed, playing her trump card.  
"No!" The deku shouted. "Please! Have mewcy! I beg of you!"

Remi pulled herself to her feet and brushed herself down. Her body was covered in small bumps where some of the nuts had hit her. Small purple bruises had already begun to form.

"Ah…" She sighed. She had always taken not being pelted with things for granted.

"Now," The deku began, as others pulled themselves from the bushes and trees of the Lost Woods. "We shall now continue to take ou' ange' out on you."  
"Wait! Why would you want to do that?"

"Because," The deku said simply. " We a' most pissed."

"Why?"

"Because, no one eve' pays attention to us! We are you' me'chants! We a' you' fwiends! We are your allies! Why do you igno' us so?"  
"Uh… So how do you feel about that?"

"Angwy."

There was a few moments silence, at which Remi considered this. It was partly her fault, as she had never paid much attention to this particular race. Keeping in mind that the deku was still intent on beating the life out of her she spoke.

"What will it take," She asked, "to get me out of this situation?"  
"Help us." The deku said slowly. "help us lead a wevolt."

An: Bad choice on help. Okay a few things to sort out.

Please review. If I don't get enough, I'll be duct taped to the ceiling.

The Deku's talk like that because of my stupidness. If your more braindead than me, you should know they say W instead of R.

That's all of this chapter, stay tuned. ;)


	2. Into the Castle

"_My mind is like a children's playground!"_

_Shigeru Miyamato_

**Chapter Two **

"Say, Sergeant," Remi asked curiously, "Where have all the privates gone?"  
"What? Oh, yes," The Sergeant, who shall henceforth be known as Sergeant Spatootie, answered, "The ladies in Kakariko Village dry their underwear today – The troops like to take popcorn and make a day of it."  
"Ah. How do we get into the castle again?"

The scene switches to the courtyard outside Hyrule Castle, filled with barrels. One by one, the barrels begin to move towards the door. A guard, who is currently guarding the drawbridge, looks up.

"Who's there?" The guard, who we shall now know as Terry, demanded.

"Er…" A voice said, coming from one of the larger barrels. "There's nobody here but us barrels!"

"Uh.." Terry began. "Right.."

"So what's the deal with this job anyways. Are you always on the nightshift?"  
"More or less." He answered.

"Don't you get ti'ed by mo'ning?" Another barrel asked.

"Not really," Terry replied, wondering where this was going. "Say, do you have business with the king?"

"Yep," The original barrel spoke this time. "We have to go.. Uh… Be.. barrels, for him."  
"Yeah!" Chorused the rest. "That's it!"

"Ah!" Terry exclaimed, opening the drawbridge. "A most noble aspiration! Go right in, sirs and miss!"

Terry watched the barrels go in, gave a little wave, shouted a farewell, and shut the drawbridge over.

Remi and the dekus took of their barrels.

"What an idiot." Remi said.

"Yes!" A deku agreed. "Uh.. Miss.. What do we do now we're he'e?"  
There was a long pause, then she replied, "I'm not paying you to ask silly questions, Lawrence."

"You're not paying me at all, Miss." Lawrence said slowly.

"Ah.. well…" Remi said. "What ARE we gonna do now, Sergeant?"  
"Uh.. well…" The Sergeant stuttered unsurely. "We.. This wasn't a planned bugwawy."  
"But Sa'ge, you just said to me this mo'ning that this was your bestest plan yet. In fact, you.."

"Be quite, Jonathon."

"Sergeant?" Remi said.

"Yes?"

"Permission to tell you this plan is the most awful plan ever?"  
"Pe'mission denied."  
"Ooh! Ooh! I know!" One of the privates said, leaping about.

"What is it?"

"We should kidnap the pwincess and hold her to wansom for a hundwed-thousand wuppees!"  
"That is a tewwible plan!" The Sergeant started. "I have a bette' one. We shall… **Whisper whisper whisper.**"  
The dekus and Remi burst into applause.

"That's a much better plan!" One shouted.

"Yay!"  
"Shh… You'll wake up the king!"

Link rode to Lon Lon Ranch on his horse, Dobbin.

"Hey!" Link shouted. "It's Epona!"

Ah, okay.. So… Link rode to Lon Lon ranch on his horse, Epona. The sun had just risen, and he was about to deliver to Malon the news that would change her life forever. Upon reaching the gate, he was greeted by the sight that would start the actual storyline: A trail of bright yellow feathers, leading of in the direction of the Kokiri Forest and Lost Woods.

"Link!" Link looked up, and was delighted as he saw Malon running towards him, followed by a squawk of cuccos.

"Hey Malon." He answered.  
"Is it true Link? Are all the horrible, horrible rumours true?"

"Everything you hear is true," Link said, in a grim and angry voice. "Some thieves have stolen the kings pirzed canary, and they are holding it for ransom in the favour a hundred thousand blue smarties."

"Oh! I must tell my dad and Ingo of this, straight away!" Malon gasped, turning and heading for the house and stables.  
Link looked down at the cuccos.  
"So, uh.. How's life treating you?"  
"…" The cucco said nothing.

"That bad, huh?"  
"…"  
"No! It was not your fault she left you! It takes two to argue!"

"…"

"Yeah, life can be hard, but ya gotta get over it. Meet new people, see new things!"

"…"

"Link? Who were you talking to?" Malon asked, coming out of the stables.

"No one."

An: Bah, I need to write longer chapters.. Hope you liked that one! I think it's better than the last one, but I wouldn't know. I'm going to Banburgh in England from Tuesday to Thursday, so no updates then. I have it all pretty much planned out, though. Again, I ask for reviews, especially constructive criticism. Thankyou!

Reviewers 

Thankyou to WindSage1790, the first and only reviewer. Your review was very much appreciated!

(If I miss anyone out, it is because I submit this chapter before you had the the chance to leave a comment.)


	3. The Arcade

"_I have a crown! A very nice crown! Can you see it? Do I still have it on?"_

_Madagascar_

Chapter Three

There is only blackness.. Then, a voice speaks.

"First…

Two paddles hit a white ball back and forth."

"Then…

A yellow dot chased and ate ghosts."

"Now..  
Just as gaming has reached it's peak..  
There is.."

"Dance Dance Revolution!"

The lights are switched on and we see our crew in a busy arcade, with Sergeant Spatootie playing a two player game with Remi.

"Se'geant, Miss Wemi," Lawrence began. "The boys and I have been talking, and we feel that five hours is to much time to play on this pa'ticular type of game."

"Shoosh, Lawwence, I have almost beat the Hylian Pwivate, can you not see?"

"Er, yes, si', and while we a' all vewy pwoud of you, we feel we should go no.."  
"YES!" Remi yelled triumphantly. "I WIN! YES!"

"Foolin Lawwence, you wuined my concentwation!"

"Sowwy si'"

"I didn't even know they had Video Game Arcades in Hyrule. Who put one here, anyway?"

Several hundred miles away, a girl sits cross legged in front of a computer. She has several posters up on her walls, mainly of Nintendo characters.

"She's onto me…" She grumbles, paranoia in her eyes.

Quickly, she types the next part of her fanfiction.

"There.. that should stop her wondering…"

Back at the arcade.

"Meh, maybe I just never noticed one before… My bad!" Remi continued brightly. "Now! To the Lost Woods!"  
"We a' in the Lost Woods." The sergeant said.

"Ah… Any word on our plan?"  
"No. The Hylians a' devastated, but they have shown no sign of caving as of yet."

"Oh.."  
"Yes."  
"HEY!" Remi cried suddenly.  
"What?" The sergeant asked, puzzled.

"Lets go.. SPELUNKING!"  
"Yaaaay!" The deku screamed.  
"Em…" The sergeant began, flustered. "What exactly IS spelunking?"  
"It's when you go explore caves.. and stuff."

"Sounds good to me!"  
"Word up!"

And so, our hero's embark on a whole new quest. Will they're spelunking fun be appropriate? Only time will tell, but right now, lets see what Link and Malon are up too…

Lon Lon Ranch

"So what you're saying." Talon said. "Is that you're going on a quest to find the king's most prized canary, which is missing, which is presumably in the Lost Woods, and you want to take Malon there to find it?"

"Yep." Link said.  
"Wait. The Lost Woods where wild Deku Scrubs, Skull Kids and Mad Scrubs live?"

"Yeah."

"The Lost Woods, where, if you get lost, you become a Stalfos?"

"Yes."  
"The Lost Woods, which you have to cross Hyrule Field, which at night is filled with Stalchildren, to get to?"

"Si."

"Ah. Just had to make sure. It's a father-thing, right?"

"Right. Onward!"

"Christian so – o – oldiers, marching out to war.." Malon sang quietly.

They stared at her.

An: Done. Hope you liked that. I think I did the talking a bit better this time. Again, please review. Me likes it when youse does.


	4. Doo do do do doodoo do

"_Why it's the Radish Spirit!"_

_Spited Away_

**Chapter Four **

**Doodoo do do do DOO!**

**Previously, in _Deku!_…**

"Er… What exactly IS spelunking?"

/\/\/\/\/\

Our intrepid revolters set off yet again, this time bound for a large cave.

"Say, sa'ge," Lawrence said. "What do we do when we get the'e?"

"Well.. Uh.. Ask Remi."

"Well," Remi began. "We're gonna… Spelunk."

"Oh."

"Word up!"

"Stop saying that."

"'Kay…" Remi snapped sulkily.

"The'e's a cave!" Lawrence said joyously.

"Yay!"  
"It's entwance is blocked, though."

Dun dun dunnanananana…

"What was that?" Lawrence said suddenly.

"Yeah, and while we're on that subject, who keeps talking about stuff throughout our journey?"

Will they ever find out who the mysterious voice is? Will they EVER get round to spelunking? What does their future hold?

They all turn around to see an old, meek little man with a megaphone.

"Wow!" Remi gasped. "It Grandfather from the Oracle of Seasons!"

"I'm not "Grandfather" you insolent little girl… I am…"

"Go on.."

"I'm leaving an dramatic pause – It is called AC-TING."

"Really?" Remi snapped back "I thought it was called STOP-PING."

"Still.. I must press on. I am the – NARRATOR."

Several screams are heard, a baby cries, Remi and the dekus blink.

"Um.. Go on?" The sergeant urged.

"That's it!" The Narrator said irritably.

"Sooo.." Remi began. "You're like.. The author?"

"No! I refuse to be compared to that little wretch!"

"So where is the actual author?" Remi replied, curious.  
"Chained to a drainpipe."

Er.. I'm busy with the Deku and the kid, so I'll make this short – Malon and Link, yadayadayada.

"Oooooh.." Malon said, as she and Link entered the Lost Woods. Do not question the logic on how they got they're just accept that they are there now, okay?

"Doo doo doo, doo doo doo.." Link sang.

"Now, where too?" She asked.

Link fumbled the map. "Oh! This map is written in some strange coded – or perhaps ancient language!"

"Now, Link, dear." Malon said sweetly. "Are you SURE your not just holding the map upside down."  
"Uh…" Link said, looking back at the map. "Maybe…"

Malon slapped her hand to her forehead, before grabbing the map and hitting Link over the head with it several times. As she raised it to hit him with it yet again, a kangarok swooped in and grabbed it.

"You lost our map!" Malon screamed, pointing at the large bird that was now heading to a black market in Bulgaria, to sell the map for a nice profit.

"Wasn't that a little out-of-place?" Link asked, watching the bird.

"YOU LOST OUR MAP!" Malon screamed again, only louder.

"Oh, I lost the map?" Link snapped back.  
"Yes!" Malon replied.

Link paused. "Touché."

Back with the Deku army.

"So." Remi was saying. "If you're not the author, a major character, or a tea cosy, what importance are you to the story?"

"I narrate." The Narrator said proudly.

"I see…"

An: This one was the one that longest to write, but I'm pretty proud of it. All reviews are accepted, and first to comment on this chapter gets this wonderful car…

Lady in sparkly dress sits on the bonnet. She smiles and waves.

And speaking of reviews, The Narrator, The Dekus, Remi and CheeseFromJupiter, all proudly present..

**Reviews**

Uber Spoonz: Thankyou very much! Your review made me feel good, but only encouraged my diabolical urge to continue this fanfic! Thanks again!


	5. In which we poke gentle fun at Lawrence

"_They're comin' to take me away.. haha!"_

Chapter Five 

**In Which We Poke Gentle Fun Lawrence**

The gang are all sitting around a camp fire, toasting marshmallows. Lawrence leans a little too far over, falls in, and leaps out a few seconds later in flames. The group laugh as he runs around in flames.

"Hey, Sarge, where have they all gone?" Remi said.

"What do you mean?"   
"Well, at the start, there was an army of Dekus; Now there is enough to fit round a campfire."  
"Dear Goddesses!" Lawrence screamed, falling to the ground and rolled, still burning away nicely. "SOMEONE HELP ME!"

"Lawrence!" The Sergeant snapped. "Can't you see we're trying to talk? Some people…"  
"Yeah.." Remi agreed, turning her marshmallow over. It was charred now, and black all over. It was beginning to resemble Lawrence. "Where do the troops go?"

"Oh.. It's disco night. They like to go the'e."

"Wate'!" The flaming Lawrence cried joyously. "Precious, precious water!"

Lawrence leapt in, only to be attacked by piranhas, or whatever the Hyrulian equivalent is, Desbrekos or Biri or something like that.

"What's your favourite thing about the stars, sergeant?"

Lawrence screamed, and leapt out of the water, only to be attacked by a pack of rabid Wolfos.  
"I don't know.." The sergeant replied. "Maybe the way they twinkle, or the way they shine down on you like the light from the moon.."

"Lawrence, try and be a bit quiter!" Remi yelled over Lawrences screams of pain. Eventually, the wolfos, began to slow their attacks, and quite a while later, stopped.

"Shufferin' shuckatash!" The biggest wolfos, who appeared to be the leader, howled out. "I have splintersh in my teesh! Come on, boysh, let'sh blow thish joint!"

Lawrence slowly got up. "Ow ow ow.." He moaned. "My bones! My bones!"

"Do deku even have bones?" Remi asked.

"I don't know.."

The canary, though the whole point of this story, that was only mentioned once, and briefly, squawked. The squawk (And that's a hard word to spell.) echoed through the woods.

"Grab the canary and run!"

"Where to?" Lawrence mumbled.  
"Em.. Zora's Domain!"

Far far away, Link and Malon sit in the clearing. Malon is now hitting Link with her boot, as she has lost the map to a bird. Eventually, she sits down, exhausted.

"Okay, Link, I think you've learned your lesson." She gasped.

"Yes.." Link moaned. "But now everything hurts."

A jazzy echo effect begins.

"Squawk.. quawk.. uawk… awk…"

"Wow.." Link said.

"Wait a minute!" Malon yelled.

"What?"  
"Canary's squawk!"

"…"

"Just you take your time there, Link."

"…"

"Want a hint?"

"No.. I'll get it."

Several hours later.

Link gasps.

"What is it?" Malon said drowsily.

"Canary's squawk!"

"Good job, Link."

An: I understand that the chapters are annoyingly short, but I've written and submitted a good four chapters, so I hope that will appease. If you want it to last longer, though, I would suggest this…

Decrease the size of the window. En Voila! The story is bigger! Well.. Not really.


	6. Where we steal yet another birdie

"_Seven! Lucky seven!"_

_The Simpsons_

Chapter Six Where we steal yet another birdie. 

_An: I would have had this chapter completed a long time ago, but there were a lot of kinks that I had to work out. I also lost most of my hard drive, and so I had to type it on Notepad (Which is not acceptable), reinstall Word and then Copy and Paste. Also, the modem wouldn't switch on, which sort of made getting the story onto the net that much harder. This chapter is probably the shortest, but I hope you enjoy it. It took me long enough to do it._

The dekus are sitting in Hyrule Field, eating sandwiches. The canary is twittering happily. Lawrence pokes it. It stops singing and falls backwards off it's perch. Everyone stops eating and stares.

"Em.." Lawrence began. "Well, you see.."

"Don't bother." Remi inturupted. "Just find another one, and we'll pretend this whole thing never happened."

"Isn't that cheating?" The not-so-known Deku called Ted asked.

"No." Remi said simply. "Now step on it, Lawrence."

When Lawrence returns, they are having a sing along.

"We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow subarine, We all live in a – Hey! Lawrence is back!"

"I got the canawy!" He yelled triumphantly, holding a cage out in front of him, beaming.

"Lawrence," Said Remi, trying to disguise her anger by hiding it behind a falsely kind and good natured voice. "THAT is a budgerigar, and it is blue."

"What?"

"That is a _blue budgerigar_. We wanted a _yellow canary_."

"Huh?"

"That's a budgie, you stupid little deku; We wanted a canary!" She screamed, close to hyperventilating

"Ooooh... A canary.. Right, gotcha."

Let us now leave them, for we are out of flashcards and if Remi and the rest should decide to kill Lawrence in a violent and gruesome death, we will have no way to censor it. Let us now see what Link and Malon are doing. 

"Excuse me!" Malon said, waving her hand in the Skullkid's (Who we shall now know as Bob.) face. "We're lost, can you help us?"

"…" Bob said nothing.

"Lost in the Lost Woods." Link mused. "How ironic.."

"Hoy! Skullkid!" Malon shouted into Bob's face. He stayed silent.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Link screamed. "TALK! TALK!"

"What the Goddesses' are you doing?" Malon asked, confused.

"Well maybe nobody's tried this before?"

They looked at Bob one more time, turned, and left.

Back on Hyrule Field, the dekus are trying to paint the budgie yellow and get it to sing like the canary did. They are failing miserably.

"Sergeant, why didn't we go to Zora's Domain?"

"What?" The sergeant said, looking up.

"Well, a few chapters back, you said we were running there, but The Narrator never got us there."

"Why that wapscallion!" The sergeant raged. "I'll give him what for!" He continued, grabbing an out-of-era, but conveniently placed phone and dialing the hotline.

Hello?

"Yeah, I have a complaint!"

An: Well, there isn't much left to do but the reviews.

Reviews 

_(For the past few chapters.)_

**WindSage1790: **Thankyou! We're out of cars, but we do have roller blades left!

_Woman in sparkly dress attempts to show them off. Woman in sparkly dress falls down._

Oh, and I tried bold, but then went to underlining.

**Uber Spoonz: **Thanks! I try to do my best. 


	7. Q&A and Therapy

"_I is running out of quotseys."_

_CheeseFromJupiter_

Chapter Seven 

**A little Q&A and therapy.**

Link is standing, facing the audience. Bob is dancing and singing on a stump in the background.

"Ah!" Link said. "Hello. I am here to answer a question that has plagued you fans for years – If the series is all about me, why is it called "The Legend of Zelda?" Well, to answer that, I have absolutely no bakbone!"

"Link!" Malon's voice came from off screen. "Come and polish my boots!"

"Coming sweet-pea!" Link cried happily, skipping off to appease Malon's demand.

"And don't call me that!"

Meanwhile, the Sergeant is still on the phone with The Narrator. Remi and the rest are slumped down against the walls. The budgie/canary is sleeping contentedly in it's cage. A wolfos out in the distance howls, bringing everyone back to their senses. A skeletal hand breaks through the ground. Everyone cowers behind Remi.

"What the…" Remi began. "Hey!"

"Boo!" The stalchild said, leaping out.

Remi blinked and raised and eyebrow. "Is that it?"

"Er.." The stalchild shifted about uncomfortably. "Unfortunately, yeah."

"Oh.. So, do I, um, act.. Surprised?"

"That would help."

"Okay.. Ah. Help me. A monster, save me." She said blandly.

"Don't bother." The creature sighed. "It's been like this since I was a child.. All the others picked on me.."

"Erm.. There there."

"Ooooh, why am I so pathetic?" The stalchild wailed sadly.

"Hang on, I'm sure it isn't your fault." Remi said slowly.

"No. I know whose fault it is. Mama, why didn't you love me?"

"You have to get over it." She snapped sternly. "The sooner you do, the scarier you will be!"

"Thankyou, Miss!" The monster exclaimed tearfully. "You've solved all my problems!"

Remi was was about to turn and leave, when she heard a voice behind her.

"Ahem.. Excuse me?"  
Remi turned, only to see another stalchild. "Um.. Hallo?"

"Yes, well, my name's Franny, and I suffer from anorexia."

"Oh." Remi said, confused. "Really?"

The current characters fade out, and we find ourselves in a large space age control room, with lot's of shiny machines, all whirring and buzzing, covered in buttons and complex looking controls. A small man with huge glasses and a bald head sits in front of a computer that fills an entire wall. He has a map of Hyrule on the wall, with pins marking where the canary was last seen. He has a picture of his family on top of the computers monitor, and is currently clicking around on "Dirty" websites. The door swings open and the King of Hyrule strides in, flanked by his two body guards, Bert and Ernie. The man quickly changes it to a complex and dull looking page of non stop words and figures.

"What's the situation with the canary, Sam?" The King asked.

"Not good, sir. The tracking device seems to have lost the signal. I assume they are out of range."

"Ah.. They are clever fiends indeed, escaping the might of my stupendous tracking tower!" He shouted, pointing to, "the stupendous tracking tower", a potted plant wrapped in tinfoil.

"Er.. of course they are, sir."

"Ah. What do we intend to do now?"

"Well, sir," Sam began. "We could sit down and reason with them, or…"

"Release the cuccos!" The king yelled.

Bert and Ernie gasped.

"But- but- Sir.. I don't think.."

"Release them!" He snapped.

"Yes sir.." Sam whimpered, terrified. His hand trembled over a large red button. He slammed his fist down on it. Lights start flashing.

Hundreds and thousands of feet up in the sky, there is a spaceship. It is large and chrome, and it has a chicken emblem on it's side. It floats in midair, before we see the inside…

Hundreds of cuccos scurry about in little silver spacesuits. Occasionally, one will eat a liquefied oat meal, their preferred space meal.

"Mornin', Mike!" One cucco said to the other.

"Ah! Salutations, Joseph!" The other greeted him happily.

"I say, I can't wait to get out and about in Hyrule again!"

"Ah, me too, my friend. The fellows here are awfully nice, but nothing beats the cool, crisp air of Zora's Domain!"

"No, dear boy, it's the lively, bustling atmosphere of the market for me!"

Suddenly, an alarm goes off and a siren starts.

"What ho!" Joseph crowed joyously. "It appears the king needs our services!"

A cucco sitting on a computer chair spun round to face them all. "Okay, boys. This is the moment we've been waiting for! Let's do this thing!"

The cuccos grab ickle tiny helmets and threw themselves out of the ship.

And as they spiral down to Hyrule, The Ride of the Valkeries plays.

An: That's the longest chapter so far! I hope you enjoyed it – I certainly found it the most fun to write! Please review!

Reviews 

**Uber Spoonz: Thanks a lot for your reviews! Its always a pleasure to read them!**


	8. I Feel Pretty

"_Blast!"_

_Family Guy_

Chapter Eight I feel pretty 

We see the Gerudo fortress. Ganondorf is amusing himself by dancing around with a flower, pulling the petals off.

"I feel pretty," He is singing, in probably the worst voice ever. "Oh so pretty.."

Nabooru enters the room, and upon seeing this, is shocked and frightened. She stands and stares, watching him twirl an spin. She then coughs, deciding she should let him know she is there. 

"Oh so pretty and witty and g—hey! Nabooru!" Ganodorf yelled, blushing furiously.

"Em.. Yes. Do I want to know what you were doing just now?" She asked awkwardly.

"No, I think it would be best if you didn't."

"Okay, so what did you call me down here for, Ganondorf?"

"Ah, yes, of course. As you know, the Hylians have attacked the rebel deku scrubs with a flurry of cuccos. And, as you know, this effects us… In good and bad ways."

"I see.." Nabooru said, though she didn't. "And how is that."

"Think about it, dear girl! The Hylians are the only thing stopping us from ruling Hyrule. If the dekus win their little revolt, they will be in charge. We can throw them out of they way easily!"

"Why do we _want _Hyrule, anyways? It's a dump."

"Yes, but we can sell it for a nice price on eBay."

"Ah, so go on."

"That's it. The Deku are defenceless. The end."

"Yes, but the deku have a Hylian helping them."

Remi and the deku continue through Hyrule Field, and eventually reach a set of steps.

"Whe'e do these go?" Lawrence asked.

"Who cares?" Remi answered. "Nighttimes coming, and I don't really want to give any more therapy to monsters."

"Yes. Don't a'gue with the Hylian, Lawwence!"

They go up the steps quickly. A few seconds later, they arrive in Kakariko.

"This place is okay." Remi commented. "Nothing odd appears to be happening.

A few metres away, a shady figure sits, wearing a duffle coat, sun glasses and a hat, which is pulled down over his face. His body is lumpy and his head is strangely small. Looking through a hole in his newspaper, he saw them walk over his trap.

"What?" He yelled, staring and throwing down his newspaper. As it was night time, no one was there.

"Is something wrong, Boss?" A voice from inside the duffle coat crowed.

"No.." The original cucco said, shrugging off his Hylian diguise, to reveal our favourite cucco, Richard. He was standing on top of a mound of his fellow cuccos. "No.. Nothing at all, Norbert."

He ran over to the trap, a pit with sticks on the top to disguise it.

"What ho!" He exclaimed. "Why did it not work?"

He jumped up and down on top of it

And fell through.

An: This wasn't as good as the last one. Still, I hope you enjoyed it!

**Reviews**

**Uber Spoonz: Thankies! I'm glad you're enjoying it!**


	9. We're free! Free!

"_Uh Oh, the laundry's done!"_

_Friends_

Chapter Nine 

**We're free! Free!**

We join Link and Malon on the road to nowhere, trecking through the Lost Woods. They come across a cucco.

"AwWwWwWw…" Malon murmured.

"Great! Food! I'm straving!"

"No, Link!" Malon snapped at him, angrily. "You wouldn't really?"

"You bet I would!"

"Oh for pity's sake, Link, you can't be that hungry; you ate half our rations this morning!"

"That was this morning!" Link moaned back.

"It's only 2 o' clock!"

"Shoosh, giant talking sandwich!"

Malon sighed. This was going to be a long day.

Our ever lovable poultry appear to be getting nowhere either.

"Help me!" Richard screamed at the cucco.

"How do we know that you're the real you?" Mike said slowly.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You could be an impostor."

But for once in their lives, Remi and the Deku army appear to be doing something loosely related to their original plan.

They have the budgie, which is now disguised as a canary, tied to a chair. Remi is behind a video camera and Lawrence is snapping photos of it. The budgie, not the video camera. The sergeant is standing in front of them.   
"Okay, Wemi." The sergeant began. "Sta't it wolling." "Yes sir!" Remi called, putting the camera on a tripod and sitting down. "Ahem.." The sergeant cleared his throat. "Good evening. I expect wondewing whe'e you' canawy is, hmm? Well, we have been nice so fa', but enough is enough! Give us the sma'ties, or Fwedewick will suffe' and agonising death!" "You named the bird?" Remi asked. 

"Yes."

"Oh."

"Now put the tape and photos in the post."

"A first class stamp, sir?"

"Do I look like I'm made of money?"

"…"

Back in the Lost Woods 

"I see a light." Link murmured dreamily.

"No, Link, NO! Don't go into the light!" Malon shouted.

"It's over there." Link replied, pointing.

"Oooh.. Tehehe.."

"We're FREEEEE!"

An:Sigh: I'm going to Banburgh tomorrow.. The next chapter will probably be the last.. I don't know.

REVIEWS

Uber Spoonz: Thanks! I always wanted to make Ganondorf sing that. 


	10. Everytime we say goodbye

"_He's got super Hip-Hop style!"_

_Family Guy_

**Chapter Ten **

**Every good story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. **

Our heroes have worked hard to achieve their goal. 

Kidnapping a canary and holding it to ransom isn't hard work, but the author and narrator have laboured long and hard to think of meaningless, random things to present to you, the Readers.

"What are you on about?" Remi snapped, staring at The Narrator.

I was just telling the Readers. They only just arrived this chapter.

"What?" Remi asked again.

"Hello, Remi!" A man in a smart suit exclaimed happily. "We're your new neighbours, the Readers! I'm George Reader, this is my wife Emily Reader, and this is little baby Beau Reader."

"Oh…" Remi said slowly. "I think I'm going to back away slowly now."

"You do that!" George cried. He and his wife waved.

"Bye bye! Nice meeting you!" The sergeant said happily. "…Fweaks…"

Lets leave the Readers to slowly kill Remi and the Dekus with their insane cheeriness, and find ourselves in the main hall at Tiddly-Toodlum.. Er, Hyrule castle.

"I want a boat!" Zelda screams at a slave – no, sorry, butler.

"Yes ma'am." The butler grumbles. "You're the princess."

"Darn tootin'!"

"Bizzum.."

"I heard that!"

In the kitchen, Impa is cooking up nothing but trouble.

"Hey!" Impa snapped, looking up. "Did you just pun me?"

No, miss.

"Good." She replied with an icy glare.

Seriously.. You never argue with a woman with eye-makeup like that.

"_Eye-makeup?_" Zelda remarked, coming into the kitchen. "It looks like someone's punched her one. Hey, Impa, what's for dinner?"

"You.." The Sheikan nurse-maid mumbled bitterly. She grinned evilly from ear to ear, then went back to preparing the sauce.

"What?" Zelda said, confused.

"Oh, did I say You? I meant.. Em.. Poo."

"Poo?" Zelda asked, sceptically.

"Yes."

"O-kay…" Zelda said, pointing to the door. "I'll –uh- be.. through there.."

"Good save, old girl." Impa sighed, relieved.

She goes back to her work. Spying the cookbooks on the shelf, she cautiously takes one down.

"Hmm.." She mused, flicking through it. "That would be a nice sauce to do her in.. And the king would never suspect what it covers to be his daughter.. Oh! I could call it Zelda Supreme! No.. Too suspicious."

Let us leave our cannibalistic Sheikah and go see Link and Malon, who have just left the Lost Woods, passed quickly through the Kokiri Forest (For fear of being attacked by midgets.) and out onto Hyrule Field.

"Ah.." Malon sighed. "It's good to be out in the fresh air again!"

"Hey!" An altogether too familiar voice shouted.

Link turned around and saw.. A fairy.

"Oh hello, talking floating light bulb!"

"I'm not a light bulb, silly buy, I'm your ex fairy partner, Navi!"

Link's eyes glazed over, and he fell backwards slowly.

"Um… Link?" Malon said slowly, "You okay?"

Lets travel back to the control room at the castle. Joseph and Mike are flapping about, trying to mime to the king what happened back at the village, because, though these cuccos are very advanced and smart, they possess voice only to the extent of crowing as the sun comes up. The King and Sam are confused.

"Ugh!" Mike snapped, "I give up."

"Yes." Joseph agreed. "These creatures are silly things."

"So how else do we tell them everyone but us went in to try and help Richard and got stuck?"

"I am unsure, Joseph."

They stared at the king.

"The time for world domination draws nearer, Joseph." Mike said solemnly. "Soon, we shall rule over all."

"Indeed."

"D'you reckon animals can understand us, sir?" Sam asked.

"No, Sam." The king said, with a small chuckle. "They're just animals. Just stupid animals."

Mike and Joseph's eyes narrowed.

"Mail call!"

"I say," Joseph remarked. "What an American thing."

"Indeed." Mike nodded.

A small parcel plops through the letterbox. The king opens it up and finds a video tape. He puts it in the machine, and waits for a moment. We soon see the sergeants message. The king whimpers, and puts a hand to his forehead.

"I say!" Mike exclaimed. "Wasn't that Phil? From college?"

"Why yes!" Joseph replied. "I dare say it was!"

"My, what a small world!"

"I give up. Send the fiends their smarties." The king stammered, putting his head in an arm. "I just want my canary back."

"Yes, sir."

Back with the dekus, the smarties are devided equally amongst them.

"Well then," Remi said happily. "Everything worked out for the best."

"Yes, it did." The sergeant agreed.

"I couldn't agwee more." Lawrence agreed.

"By the way," Remi began, "Did the king tell Link and Malon they could stop looking for us now?"  
"Nope."  
"Should we?"  
"Naw, I'm su'e they'll find out soon enough."

"Okay." Remi said, gathering up her many smarties. "I'm gonna take off."

"Bye Miss Wemi!" The deku shouted. "We'll miss you!"  
"Bye. I'll see you again, sometime, okay?" And with that, she turned, and walked towards the horizon, back to Hyrule Castle Town.

An: Aw… Happy ending! This isn't what I'd hoped for, but I go away on Holiday tomorrow, and I wanted to get the story finished before then. I hope you enjoyed it!

I have another story planned, for those who care.

**Reviews**

WindSage1790 and Uber Spoonz – You two are my heroes! Thanks for reviewing all through the story; it really helped me! Have a cookie!


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